What if I just let go?

What if I let go of any attachment to body fat. To what I make that mean about me. To judging myself for that.

I’d say that 70-80% of the time I’m content and happy with my body. I have spent many many hours obsessing over what I’m eating and how my body will react. But as I’ve worked through the mental/emotional aspects and found what way of eating feels good in my body, I notice that I have less of a focus on the physical.

However, sometimes something comes along that trips me up. That’s natural. It’s part of the human experience. You can think you’ve dealt with an issue and you’ll get triggered and realize it’s still there!

Certain indulgences trigger cravings for me. Highly processed sugary things (candy, milk chocolate, baked goods). So I rarely indulge in these things. Potato, rice, dark chocolate are the indulgences that I can turn to knowing they won’t trigger cravings.

Also, stress. Stress makes me want to eat ALL OF THE THINGS. Work has been a hella stressful 48 hours and sleep has been lacking. Today I found myself beyond exhausted at work and doing everything I could to protect what remained of my energy.

Over the weekend we had some indulgences (alcohol and carbs). Last night I had some potatoes and today I caught myself wanting to buy candy. I didn’t. And now I’m actually beating myself up for wanting to make soup with rice noodles. Rice noodles. So freaking benign. But not a daily item in my way of eating and so ego wants to list all the terrible things that will happen I decide to eat rice (you’ll start storing glucose as fat, you’ll gain weight, this isn’t how you eat and what will other people think, they’ll judge you for it…etc) This combination of stress and indulgences has made for the most insane brain chatter around food. I’m a freaking health coach, don’t I have this shit together? Lol, nope 😂

All this is showing me is that my self care is seriously lacking. I chose sleep over meditation the past two days. I haven’t moved my body enough (or at all). I haven’t done yoga. And because of those things ego is yelling for attention. (Because negative attention is better than zero attention). I need to take the time to fill my own cup!

Emotions, cravings, and negative thoughts, are information. They show you where your work is. We can’t always assume that just because we’ve worked through an issue that it’s actually done. But, when we are approaching our lives through a lens of curiosity and love we are able to see what we need. When you get triggered you can observe it, without judgement, and acknowledge where your work still lays.

For now, I’m making rice noodle soup with beef for dinner. I’ll meditate and get a good nights sleep. Tomorrow you’ll find me on my meditation cushion for longer than normal and moving my body in whatever way it feels it needs 💜✌🏼

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